A Desperate Embrace
by 14tara14
Summary: when tragedy strikes, and pain is all that remains, sometimes the only thing left to numb the hurt is the feel of a desperate embrace. one shot Sakura/Shikamaru. first Naruto fic.


Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of these characters, I'm simply barrowing them for a little fun.

Authors note: they there Naruto fans, I hope you will enjoy my first Naruto fic just as much as I enjoyed writing it.

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A Desperate Embrace

There was no moon in the sky tonight. Darkness stretched across the sky with limitless bounds, leaving no traces of light. The air was stagnant and biting; infusing ice into the bones of anyone who dared to disturb its stillness. It was a hollow night; a voidful night filled with nothing but the silence of what should have been but wasn't.

The streets of Konoha were empty, empty except for Sakura. Her steps were sluggish and sullen, there movements mechanical and without purpose. Sakura didn't know where she was going, and frankly she didn't care, all she knew was that she couldn't stop. To stop would mean to think, to go back…Sakura couldn't allow herself to think… no… it wasn't an option…so she kept walking.

For a long time all Sakura did was walk, leaving the village and all its occupants far behind her. How could she face them again? How could she face _him!_ How could she look into his eyes knowing that she had…NO!..._no_…don't think about it. Her pace quickened, the sounds of her feet hitting the ground were swallowed by the night's greedy darkness. But that was ok. Sakura wanted to be swallowed. After all, she had failed.

Due to her incompetence she had failed the village.

Her sensei.

_HIM_.

Soundless sobs ripped from her throat as her legs gave way and she fell to the ground. Her body trembled, but it wasn't from the cold. No, Sakura was far beyond feeling the cold. The pain of shame had sunk its fangs into Sakura's flesh long before the cold could reach her. Its poisons leisurely embedding itself into every nook and cranny it could find.

Failure. She hated the word. Hated the bitter taste it left in her mouth, and yet, it was a word she had been stuck with since becoming a ninja all those years ago. In the beginning she failed to apply herself the way Sasuke and Naruto did. Failed to fight. Always in the background, always the one needing to be saved…even now…even after all these years, and all the training and work she put in, she still did nothing but fail. Bitterly Sakura pounded her fists into the ground. First once, then twice, harder and harder she beat the earth until its surface cracked under her strength and crumbled into dust, forming a crater.

"I don't know what the dirt did to deserve such a pounding, but I think it's safe to say it's sorry." Sakura was so absorbed within her own self loathing that she had failed to notice the shinobi standing casually behind her, his hands tucked neatly into his pockets. She didn't need to turn around to see who it was. After all, she would know that monotone drawl anywhere. Her hands clenched into fists tight enough to brake. Why? She thought, out of all the people to find her why did it have to be _him_. She closed her eyes in shame, desperately trying to stop the tears that continued to fall, as if that act alone would put back the pieces of herself she could feel falling away.

Now that she was paying attention she could hear his breathing. She heard the way he shuffled his feet from side to side, as if unsure of what to do. Finally though, after failing to get a response out of her he seemed to decide, and with a sigh of frustration began to walk toward her.

"Don't" Sakura begged. She didn't want him to come any closer, didn't want to see the look of hatred in his eyes, no matter how much she disserved it. Shikamaru ignored her plea and continued to move closer. He took in her disheveled appearance, her trembling body, but when he saw the blood, _his_ blood, he had to look away. His lips drew into a hard line and for the first time, he didn't know what to do. Gritting his teeth Shikamaru shoved back his pain. There was time to feel pain later, as a shinobi, and more so as an ANBU member, Shikamaru had learned how to detach himself from all emotions, and right now, he needed that more then anything.

Once Shikamaru finally reached her he knelt down to her level, noticing more clearly now the sickly grey tint her skin held, as well as the shadows that lay under her scrunched up eyes. She was crying. Slowly, Shikamaru reached out his hand to brush away her tears, but as if sensing his intentions Sakura slapped his hand away, her body twisting from her former hunched over ball formation into a fighting crouch.

"Don't touch me!" she screamed, finally looking at him. She expected him to be angry with her, after all how could he not be? Because of her his best friend was dead! Because of her...Choji…Choji was…

More sobs ripped from her throat like balls being shot from a cannon, it was all her fault. He didn't say anything, nor did he try to move any closer. He just watched her. After what felt like forever Sakura finally regained control over her-self enough to look at him, to face him. But rather then anger, all Sakura saw in Shikamaru's hazel brown eyes was nothing. Just a deep blank void filled to the brink with nothing. All she could do was stare into them. She wanted to apologize, to beg for forgiveness. But she knew it wasn't enough, nothing would ever be enough after what she did. And just like that the memory of the past few hours she had tried so frantically to bury came rushing forth. Choji on a hospital bed, dying, her and four other medical ninja desperately trying to stabilize him, but there was too much blood. The wounds were too deep and his chakra was so depleted nothing she did was working. As a last fraught effort to save him Sakura had performed a very risky chakra infusing method she had been experimentally developing for the past few months on him, it was a painful jutsu, and his screams were testament to that. But still, even that hadn't worked…and a few moments later Choji took his last breath, and died. Because she wasn't strong enough, Choji was dead.

Shikamaru watched as Sakura fell to pieces in front of him, he wanted to move towards her, but found himself unable to. Her cries hit him like a punch to the gut, each sob cracking the thick shield he was trying so hard to keep in place. Finally, when he felt his composure couldn't take another strike he was able to move. Swiftly and without hesitation Shakamaru pulled Sakura into his arms, burying his face into her neck. The tight embrace of Shikamaru's arms wrapped around her startled Sakura so much she froze. Impossibly his arms tightened around her even more, crushing her to him with such strength that even she couldn't fight free. How? How could he even bare to touch her? Didn't he know what she did? She tried to push against him, but he refused to let her budge an inch.

"Please" Shikamaru whispered, his voice thick with pain. "Please."

Sakura stopped moving immediately, and instead wrapped her arms just as tightly around him, clutching at his back as if it would make everything better.

"I'm sorry" Sakura chocked out, her words muffled from her face being flattened against his chest. "Shikamaru I-"

"Shh" he hushed her, removing one of his arms so that he could brush her hair in soothing strokes. "I know," he continued, attempting to steady his voice by taking a deep breath. "They told me how you refused to give up on him, how you depleted your own chakra levels to dangerous levels in order to save him-"

"But I didn't save him!" Sakura wept, yanking herself out of Shikamaru's embrace she looked at him. "I failed. And because of that he's dead, he's dead and there's nothing I can do to change that!" the pain that flashed across his eyes at her words ripped her heart to pieces. Seeing him in pain was something Sakura never wanted to see, and to be the reason for his pain…well…she deserved no better then the worse form of hell as compensation.

"Maybe… if I had tried harder…if I had used more chakra I could have-"

"NO!" Shikamaru growled. Quickly, so quickly that Sakura only saw a blur of motion before Shikamaru had her pinned to the ground with him hovering over top of her, his face only mere inches from hers. Gone were the walls he had up to keep his emotions in check, anger and desperation shattered what remained until all the pain washed over him like water from a broken damn.

"If you had given away anymore chakra you would also be lying on that stretcher dead. Don't be an idiot!" tears he had been holding back fell one at a time onto Sakura's face. "You gave everything you had, and for that I will always be grateful to you. Anything more would have killed you, and that is the last thing I want."

"How do you not hate me? Its all my fault that-"

"Choji's death will never be your fault Sakura! Never!" Shikamaru roared with finality.

"Shikamaru…" at a complete loss for words Sakura didn't know what to say, so instead of words she pulled Shikamaru down until his body rested on hers and his face was pressed against her cheek.

"Never…"Shikamaru continued, his voice braking as he gently returned Sakura's embrace "never will this be your fault, and never, in a thousand years could I ever hate you."

They remained like that for a long time, each unwilling to move. Their sorrow acting as a comfort, finding peace in each other's pain as a way to prove that they were not alone. And so they remained, trapped in a desperate embrace, both searching for the strength to stand, yet neither willing to let go.

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Hey there, for all those that took the time to read this, I give my deepest thanks. I have never written a Naruto fan fiction before so this was a bit of a struggle and I truly hope I represented these characters accurately. As of right now this will remain a one shot, unless I have a sudden shot of inspiration to do more. Please let me know what you think. And if you would want this to be continued please let me know. But other then that, a big thanks again for all those that have read this till the end, it was an interesting challenge and one I look forward to repeating again.


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